Funny Pages
UPS Mechanics have a Sense of Humor!
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but
only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance
to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called
a 'gripe sheet’, which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems, document
their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the
gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a
sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major carrier
that has never, ever, had an accident.
P: Left
inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S:
Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test
flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S:
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P:
Something loose in cockpit
S:
Something tightened in cockpit
P:
Dead bugs on windshield.
S:
Live bugs on back-order.
P:
Autopilot
in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S:
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P:
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S:
Evidence removed.
P:
DME volume unbelievably loud.
S:
DME volume set to more believable level.
P:
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S:
That's what friction locks are for.
P:
IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always
inoperative in OFF mode.
P:
Suspected crack in windshield
S:
Suspect you're right.
P:
Number 3 engine missing.
S:
Engine found on right wing after brief search
P:
Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S:
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and
be serious.
P:
Target radar hums.
S:
Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse
in cockpit.
S:
Cat installed.
And the best one for last
P:
Noise coming from under
instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a
hammer.
S: Took
hammer away from the midget.
|
